The Chicken Roll at the Cafeteria

"Chicken Roll milega?”, I enquired, uninterested, convinced I wouldn’t get it, as always.
The café-walah’s nod came quite as a shock. So I occupied a chair in one corner, and sat there, staring at the motionless fan. And it reminded me of life, as it had been over the weekend. I got up and switched the fan on, hopeful that it would give life a start as well. But all that could move was a bunch of papers from the heap I was carrying. After a while, I could see stillness in the motion of the fan too. “That’s what life does to you”, I mused.
I looked around, at the couple (or was it one?) who was busy talking about God-knows-what-all, and the geek who might have missed his lunch because of his higher needs of finishing Chapter-6 of OB first. And once again Maslow was proved wrong.
I reconsidered my decision to have food just because I was getting bored, and decided to change the direction in which I was looking.
And thus came my chicken roll, steaming hot, with a newspaper-like sheet wrapped around it. I almost impulsively looked inside, and could see the not-so-round balls of chicken, drenched in sauce. Pure temptation, lust to say the least.
First big bite, and I was home, having red hot chilly manchurian, on the bed with my family. Another of those Saturday evenings, when Chinese would be the predecided cuisine, as if by a rule. We would order it from the nearest food joint, and enjoy it with some good music on television. And then would follow some useful discussion about how my girlfriend is not good-looking, or some not-so-useful ones about how I need to push my brother to study. I almost gulped it down, and could still feel the warmth running down my spine. And a tear came looking for its way across my cheek. Thankfully there was none, I hadn’t shaved for a couple of days I realized.
I tore the wrapping a little, and got ready for my second bite, when I could hear someone crying. “It has to be the hen”, I thought, but she sounded vaguely familiar. Unperturbed, I went for my bite, this time a bigger one. And some filling fell apart, on the table, in pieces. I could almost see all my friends from college, pointing fingers at me, asking me why I did not keep in touch. The sarcastic gtalk offliners about how I had forgotten them all, the orkut scraps asking me to call them, the numerous missed calls on my cellphone everytime I came out of the class, it all came to me as if in a moment. It felt I could not chew more, the warmth of the food made me all the more guilty. But I continued, shamelessly avoiding the accusations, convincing myself I was busy.
In a moment, it was a little too spicy for me, and I had to run for water. The transparent glasses, all similar to each other, each reflecting an altogether different image of me, gave me a creepy shiver. I felt as if I was face to face with myself. And without thinking more, I chose the one I could identify with the most. The cold water got me back to my senses, and in a moment, all the accusations were gone. Had I really become that cold? Was my being busy really an excuse?
I unwrapped a big part of the roll, unfolding life layer by layer. And I could see myself in person, unprotected, bare. I looked around again, just to make sure there were people around, loneliness scared me, and I had had enough of it this weekend. The couple was still busy, but their conversation started seeming useful to me, I now yearned for such a dialogue. She had called me that day, fought with me over my not having time for her anymore, and I had been ready with my usual set of excuses. I had hated her for not giving me the hug I longed for, and at the same time, loved her for caring, for fighting with me, for making me feel full of life again. Gosh, it was just a call, and this time the tears could not stop, determined to find their way, as they had when we had talked.
I was too scared to have the last bite, too scared to know what lay beneath, deep down inside me, too scared to know my true feelings on coming to this place far far away from home, from friends, from my girlfriend, and from the cozy life I seemed to have been living.
I left it right there, paid for it, and came back to my room, reassuring myself “I am absolutely loving it here in XLRI”.